just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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