Betty ford says i'm here all night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
