And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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