I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
