i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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