There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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