at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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