Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
