Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
