My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
