and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You were trust falling into bushes
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
