not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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