Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
