we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
