i permit you to call me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
