Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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