Don't you send me to vm
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Less talking, more tequila
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
