I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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