Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
