are you still at the devil's house?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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