Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
