I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
