I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
