I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
foreskin is a definite game changer
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
