I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize