My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
