You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
