so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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