addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
