I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize