Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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