She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
