wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
