I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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