my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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