You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You left your phone here
Wait...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
