I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
