I like my sex mixed with concussions.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
