hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
