In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize