I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
