I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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