im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
3 2 1 whiskey
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
