Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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