the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
