Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
