I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
