Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
