The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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