finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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