I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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