It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
