Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
