you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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