I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
