3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm always down for nudity.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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