I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
