I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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