were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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