How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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