Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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