Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
