I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
