Sponge bath it is.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
North Korea, Best Korea!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
