A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
