My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
