You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
