I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
