remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
